BitchScopes: The Bitter Bitchy Truth Of The Zodiac

Aries

(March 21st to April 19th)

They suck at foreplay. Excellent at getting an erection at a minute’s notice, and perfect for a quickie – but totally suck at foreplay. That’s probably because Aries is also known as the infant of the zodiac, and thus the entire concept of “your wants and desires” is alien to them. However, no matter how smart they are, they’re also the easiest to con. Just appeal to their egos and be a damsel in distress.

Taurus

(April 20th to May 21st)

There’s a reason why the word “bully” contains the word “bull”. Represented by the planet Venus, Taurus men and women will always surround themselves by people less attractive than them as it feeds their inherent narcissism to be the “prettiest of them all”. Don’t be fooled by their seemingly cuddly selves, they love their home, their money, their dog, and most of all their food way more than they love you.

Gemini

(May 22nd to June 21st)

Unreliable. They’re excellent flirts and can sweet-talk their way in and out of all kinds of situations. However, ask them to help you out, and all of a sudden the world around them is turning into a chaotic mess and they just can’t help you as much as they would love to. This is the sign that’s most known to post their relationship status as “It’s Complicated” on Facebook. Gemini’s twins are actually representative of the fact that they have multiple personalities – all of whom enjoy fucking with you.

Cancer

(June 22nd to July 22nd)

Absolutely the worst sign to date! The men will compare you to their mothers (you’ll either be incapable of living up to the saint mommy dearest was, or you’ll remind them constantly of how mommy dearest went all “wire hangers” on them), while women will use passive-aggressive borderline maternal guilt-trips as a weapon. This is the sign that can dish out the cruelest jabs at you and laugh as if it was nothing. However, turn the tables on them, and they’ll howl like a baby about how insensitive you are. In their version of the story, you’ll always be the dastardly villain without any redeeming qualities.

Leo

(July 23rd to August 22nd)

Google “douchebag” and you’ll find the image of a Leo man. An aggrandizing prick with a god-complex (ancient pagan religion gods, not old testament punisher) who considers his presence a blessing in your life. You have independent thoughts? A Leo man will laugh at your naïveté. Women of this sign are the kind that’ll be addicted to Instagram and pride themselves of having over a million followers while they just follow a handful.

Virgo

(August 23rd to September 22nd)

Virgo rules nags, spinsters, shrews, and any and every archetype that can lead a productive life without you interrupting them. Everything you do, they can do better, which is a blessing and a curse. Why a curse – that’s obvious! Why a blessing? Well, just feign incompetence and have them do your dirty work. It works like a charm, as long as you’re immune to biting criticism. This is the sign that’ll tell you everything that’s wrong with you and will make it a point that you know it. Get rid of them by bringing out their inner hypochondriac.

Libra

(September 23rd to October 22nd)

They’re whores – period.

Scorpio

(October 23rd to November 22nd)

They’re the psycho-ex that won’t let go, the creepy predator that lures you in with a stare, and the kind that will fuck you over literally and figuratively – but always with a motive. A Scorpio never does anything for kicks. Everything they do is fueled by their inherent love for power and domination. Unless you have something to offer them, be it exquisite good looks, a job promotion, a family inheritance, or political connections, a Scorpio will never have any interest in you. If you have none of the above, and yet your Scorpio friend is with you – they’re just using you for their amusement, smirking away while silently judging you for your mediocrity.

Sagittarius

(November 23rd to December 21st)

Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter – the roman god that fucked everything that had a heartbeat and didn’t hesitate doing so in any form. This is the sign that’s mastered the art of Tinder and sexting. Their sense of humor is the kind that appeals to the lowest common denominator. This is also the sign that suffers most from “foot in mouth disease”. Commitment and accountability is their biggest phobia, and they’ll only love you as long as you don’t expect either of the above from them. Also, you really don’t wanna ask them the question, “Does this dress make me look fat?”

Capricorn

(December 22nd to January 20th)

They’re evil ruthless bitches – and they’re proud of it. Next!

Aquarius

(January 21st to February 18th)

They’re ruled by Uranus, which makes sense, because this is one sign that’s totally full of shit. This is the sign that’s most capable of starting cults where initiates need to perform kinky sex rituals on a regular basis. They’re the kinds who’ll at one moment act like you’re the center of the world, and at the next, treat you like a complete stranger. Aquarius rules beatniks, hippies, punks, grunge, and most of all – hipsters. Thus, it’s impossible to believe they love you, because for all you know, they’ll love you ironically.

Pisces

(February 19th to March 20th)

Known famously as the “Dustbin of the zodiac,” Pisces is forever attached to lost causes. If you’re dating one, it means you’re the lost cause that they’re taking great pride in fixing. The longer you take to “fix” the longer they’ll stay with you – as long as they believe you’re on the path of changing. This is why Marge Simpson is best a Pisces, who still holds onto hope that Homer will change for her. If you’re down in the dumps, have nothing going on for you, and are a loser in every sense of the word – don’t fret, there will always be a Pisces out there who’ll love you. (They’re also excellent in bed.)

BitchScopes: The Bitter Bitchy Reality Of The Zodiac

Aries

(March 21st to April 19th)

They suck at foreplay. Excellent at getting an erection at a minute’s notice, and perfect for a quickie – but totally suck at foreplay. That’s probably because Aries is also known as the infant of the zodiac, and thus the entire concept of “your wants and desires” is alien to them. However, no matter how smart they are, they’re also the easiest to con. Just appeal to their egos and be a damsel in distress.

Taurus

(April 20th to May 21st)

There’s a reason why the word “bully” contains the word “bull”. Represented by the planet Venus, Taurus men and women will always surround themselves by people less attractive than them as it feeds their inherent narcissism to be the “prettiest of them all”. Don’t be fooled by their seemingly cuddly selves, they love their home, their money, their dog, and most of all their food way more than they love you.

Gemini

(May 22nd to June 21st)

Unreliable. They’re excellent flirts and can sweet-talk their way in and out of all kinds of situations. However, ask them to help you out, and all of a sudden the world around them is turning into a chaotic mess and they just can’t help you as much as they would love to. This is the sign that’s most known to post their relationship status as “It’s Complicated” on Facebook. Gemini’s twins are actually representative of the fact that they have multiple personalities – all of whom enjoy fucking with you.

Cancer

(June 22nd to July 22nd)

Absolutely the worst sign to date! The men will compare you to their mothers (you’ll either be incapable of living up to the saint mommy dearest was, or you’ll remind them constantly of how mommy dearest went all “wire hangers” on them), while women will use passive-aggressive borderline maternal guilt-trips as a weapon. This is the sign that can dish out the cruelest jabs at you and laugh as if it was nothing. However, turn the tables on them, and they’ll howl like a baby about how insensitive you are. In their version of the story, you’ll always be the dastardly villain without any redeeming qualities.

Leo

(July 23rd to August 22nd)

Google “douchebag” and you’ll find the image of a Leo man. An aggrandizing prick with a god-complex (ancient pagan religion gods, not old testament punisher) who considers his presence a blessing in your life. You have independent thoughts? A Leo man will laugh at your naïveté. Women of this sign are the kind that’ll be addicted to Instagram and pride themselves of having over a million followers while they just follow a handful.

Virgo

(August 23rd to September 22nd)

Virgo rules nags, spinsters, shrews, and any and every archetype that can lead a productive life without you interrupting them. Everything you do, they can do better, which is a blessing and a curse. Why a curse – that’s obvious! Why a blessing? Well, just feign incompetence and have them do your dirty work. It works like a charm, as long as you’re immune to biting criticism. This is the sign that’ll tell you everything that’s wrong with you and will make it a point that you know it. Get rid of them by bringing out their inner hypochondriac.

Libra

(September 23rd to October 22nd)

They’re whores – period.

Scorpio

(October 23rd to November 22nd)

They’re the psycho-ex that won’t let go, the creepy predator that lures you in with a stare, and the kind that will fuck you over literally and figuratively – but always with a motive. A Scorpio never does anything for kicks. Everything they do is fueled by their inherent love for power and domination. Unless you have something to offer them, be it exquisite good looks, a job promotion, a family inheritance, or political connections, a Scorpio will never have any interest in you. If you have none of the above, and yet your Scorpio friend is with you – they’re just using you for their amusement, smirking away while silently judging you for your mediocrity.

Sagittarius

(November 23rd to December 21st)

Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter – the roman god that fucked everything that had a heartbeat and didn’t hesitate doing so in any form. This is the sign that’s mastered the art of Tinder and sexting. Their sense of humor is the kind that appeals to the lowest common denominator. This is also the sign that suffers most from “foot in mouth disease”. Commitment and accountability is their biggest phobia, and they’ll only love you as long as you don’t expect either of the above from them. Also, you really don’t wanna ask them the question, “Does this dress make me look fat?”

Capricorn

(December 22nd to January 20th)

They’re evil ruthless bitches – and they’re proud of it. Next!

Aquarius

(January 21st to February 18th)

They’re ruled by Uranus, which makes sense, because this is one sign that’s totally full of shit. This is the sign that’s most capable of starting cults where initiates need to perform kinky sex rituals on a regular basis. They’re the kinds who’ll at one moment act like you’re the center of the world, and at the next, treat you like a complete stranger. Aquarius rules beatniks, hippies, punks, grunge, and most of all – hipsters. Thus, it’s impossible to believe they love you, because for all you know, they’ll love you ironically.

Pisces

(February 19th to March 20th)

Known famously as the “Dustbin of the zodiac,” Pisces is forever attached to lost causes. If you’re dating one, it means you’re the lost cause that they’re taking great pride in fixing. The longer you take to “fix” the longer they’ll stay with you – as long as they believe you’re on the path of changing. This is why Marge Simpson is best a Pisces, who still holds onto hope that Homer will change for her. If you’re down in the dumps, have nothing going on for you, and are a loser in every sense of the word – don’t fret, there will always be a Pisces out there who’ll love you. (They’re also excellent in bed.)

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Right here’s What Every Myers-Briggs Sort Wants On A Dangerous Day

ENFP: To brainstorm a laugh opportunities and/or plan a journey. ENTJ: To shape a concrete, specified plan for improving the state of affairs that has gotten them down. ESFP: lots of human interaction and reward. ISTP: To be presented with some amusing options to take if he/she needs them, then to be left by myself. ISTJ: alternate answers to the hassle they’re going through and the information that they are able to depend on you in the event that they want help. ESFJ: To be advised they’re appreciated via the humans they’re closest to. And/or to be pampered a touch!   ISFP: endurance with their temper (they need to work themselves through it) and possibly a fun physical distraction. ESTP: To do something rambunctious and physical with friends so one can re-energize them to electricity thru something situation is troubling them. INTJ: a terrific book and the day to themselves to re-fee. INFJ: an awesome lengthy short with a chum they may be silly with and probably some time outdoors/in nature. INFP: To be listened to with staying power and to have their emotions tested. INTP: a brand new project to distract them from the self-adverse mind. ESTJ: For a person to invite them what they can do to assist. They possibly realize the solution. ENFJ: A huge hug and an honest reminder of why you love them and all that you’ve found out from them. ISFJ: To have little favors completed for them, as a reminder that they’re allowed to relax. ENTP: A stimulating conversation that helps them generate new theories or thoughts.]]>

Right here’s Which Alcoholic Drink You Are Primarily based On Your Myers-Briggs Character Kind

ESFP – Mimosa

Prazi
Prazi

You’re bubbly, colorful and unafraid of doing things a bit unconventionally – like breaking out some hair of the dog alongside brunch. You know how to cheer people up and get the good times flowing – just like this bubbly beverage.

ESTJ –Martini

TheCulinaryGeek
TheCulinaryGeek

You’re crisp, collected and classic – just like this timeless drink. You know what you like and you don’t see any reason to overcomplicated it. You get right to the point of things, just like this no-nonsense cocktail.

INFP – Cabernet Sauvignon

Didriks
Didriks

Deep, complex and gripping, your personality pairs nicely with the grace and finesse of this classic wine. No two variations of Cabernet Sauvignon are precisely alike – and neither are two INFPs. This full-bodied beverage is the perfect addition to a quiet night in with a good book or a loved one – the exact kind of night that the INFP loves most.

ENFP – Sangria

TheCulinaryGeek
TheCulinaryGeek

Wine? Brandy? Fruit? Why not have it all? If there’s anything the ENFP loves it’s variety and this festive beverage lets you try a little bit of everything. You’re colorful, lively and, okay, a wee bit indecisive – making this the perfect drink for you.

ISTP – Lager

Katie Lips
Katie Lips

You don’t mess around when it comes to what you like – you’re a straightforward person who sticks to the best option available. And for you, there’s nothing more reliable than a good pint of lager. It’s exactly what you need to get the night started –whatever happens next is the surprise.

ESFJ – Cosmopolitan

Ralph Daily
Ralph Daily

You’re sleek and sophisticated – and you see no reason to change up your drink order when you know what you like. Just like this flirtatious beverage, your charm is difficult to resist. And you know that you’re always best dressed with a cocktail in hand.

INTP – Long Island Iced Tea

alisdair
alisdair

This drink may look simple to the untrained eye – but take one sip and you’ll realize how complex and intense it truly is. This drink has a little bit of everything mixed into it – just like the insatiable mind of the INTP!

ENFJ – Champagne

PROIllusive Photography
PROIllusive Photography

You’re bubbly, classy and always there to celebrate life’s biggest moments with loved ones. Just like this celebratory drink, there’s always something to be happy about when you’re around.

ISTJ – Old Fashioned

Sam Howzit
Sam Howzit

You like the tried and true method of doing everything – including ordering drinks. Just like this traditional beverage that boasts its reliability by definition, you provide consistency and quality to the people around you. And that never goes out of style.

ESTP – Jägerbombs

Dani Lurie
Dani Lurie

There’s no denying that a night out with you will always be anything but tame. Like this dangerously energizing drink, you bring the life to the party – and you’re never the first to head home.

ISFJ – Hot Toddy

PROTimothy Krause
PROTimothy Krause

Warm, soothing and just a touch intoxicating, you have a great deal in common with this comforting beverage. You’re always around to lend a hand or a listening ear to the people you love – something about you warms their hearts and keeps them coming back for more.

ISFP – French 75

Jules Morgan
Jules Morgan

What’s a French 75? Exactly. The ISFP is always one step ahead of the crowd when it comes to what’s cool and unconventional. They add an artistic twist to everything they do in life – just like the French 75 adds a twist to your tried-and-true Mimosa.

INFJ – Sauvignon Blanc

Ryan Albrey
Ryan Albrey

Elegant, cool and composed, there is no drink that emulates the spirit of an INFJ quite like a fine white wine. This deeply analytical type values quality over quantity – and a simple glass of wine is the ideal accompaniment to a night of good conversation with a close friend or loved one.

INTJ – 50-Year-Old Scotch

IntangibleArts
IntangibleArts

You value quality well above quantity and you don’t mind holding out for what you want – making this aged beverage the perfect drink of choice. INTJs build their repertoire of knowledge through many years of analyzing, reconfiguring and reconsidering what they know. Just like this 50 year old whisky drink, INTJs types take time to reach their full potential – but they do so with the utmost quality and class.

ENTJ – Tom Collins

chispita_666
chispita_666

Classy and collected yet significantly more complex than it’s cousin the gin and tonic, the Tom Collins one-ups its competition – in standard ENTJ fashion. This type is never afraid to improve on what’s working – be it a job, a relationship or a drink.

ENTP – Absinthe

r. nial bradshaw
r. nial bradshaw

You aren’t afraid to push the limits in any capacity. Like this daredevil of a drink, you want to see just how far you can take almost everything. You aren’t afraid of crossing that ‘point of no return’ – which makes absinthe the perfect drink for you.

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[NSFW] What Your Sex Life Is Like, According To The Zodiac

Astrology is a funny thing. I personally don’t believe in it, but when I see horoscopes posted somewhere, I always check mine out. If it’s a good horoscope, I act like I just won something; If it’s a bad horoscope, I remind myself that I don’t believe in that stuff anyway and convince myself that I’m not scared at all.

The whole concept is kind of weird. Based on what time of year you were born, the stars have some sort of outcome on the events in your life. Hopefully, the stars take leap years into account, or else our calendar is going to be totally out sync with their calendar.

Well, it turns out that time of year might actually have an effect on your behavior after all… But it has less to do with the stars and more to do with how environmental conditions affect pregnancies.

Scientists aren’t sure exactly why, but there are correlations between certain seasons and certain behavior patterns. Basically, I don’t really know what they’re talking about, because I’m not a scientist and don’t understand science.

From what I can gather, and this is probably wrong, scientists are saying that astrology is completely true. Based on this, here’s how I assume each astrological symbol affects each person’s love and sex life:

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

The symbol for Aries is the ram. That pretty much says all it has to about your sex life. We’d tell you to calm it down, but that’s not what rams do. Not at all.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You’re a proud, majestic lover, unless somebody waves a red flag at you. Then you go crazy. You can’t explain it, there’s just something about that makes you lose control.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

If you’re a Gemini, otherwise known as the twins, then you’re super into three-ways. It’s a hard life to manage, but if you can pull it off then you’re doing great.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

When you say you’re into long walks on the beach, you really mean it. You love to do everything — and we mean everything — at the beach. You also like to do it under the covers because they feel like a nice protective shell.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

People have always called you the leader of the pack, and it’s definitely true in the bedroom. The only problem is, most states won’t legalize polygamy, so your options on where to live are extremely limited.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

The stars just want you to be lonely, apparently. Virgo’s symbol is the virgin. One way to look at is that you’re pure. Another way to look at it is everyone else lucked out but you.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Your love life’s all about balance. Just make sure you find a partner who’s also into balance, because falling during the act can cause some seriously embarrassing injuries.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Your look at sex like a hunt. Which is not a good way to look at sex. If you’re a Scorpio, you might want to call the police and just give them a heads up. Seriously, you’re freaking everyone out.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Taylor Swift is a Sagittarius, so you’ll apparently never find true love. The upside though is that each heartbreak will work out very well for you financially. So well, in fact, that people will become suspicious about how broken your heart actually is.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

You’re the goat, which unfortunately refers to the animal and not the “greatest of all time.” Garbage turns you on for some strange reason, but so does doing it on the side of a very steep mountain. You’re surprisingly skilled at balancing yourself in that situation.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

You’re the best ever and everyone wants to be with you. That’s totally what the stars say! I’m not just saying that because I’m writing this and I happen to be an Aquarius.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

You’re a fish. You just kind of lay there and let stuff happen to you. It’s not bad, but it’s not great; it just is.

[NSFW] What Your Intercourse Life Is Like, In accordance To The Zodiac

Astrology is a funny thing. I personally don’t believe in it, but when I see horoscopes posted somewhere, I always check mine out. If it’s a good horoscope, I act like I just won something; If it’s a bad horoscope, I remind myself that I don’t believe in that stuff anyway and convince myself that I’m not scared at all.

The whole concept is kind of weird. Based on what time of year you were born, the stars have some sort of outcome on the events in your life. Hopefully, the stars take leap years into account, or else our calendar is going to be totally out sync with their calendar.

Well, it turns out that time of year might actually have an effect on your behavior after all… But it has less to do with the stars and more to do with how environmental conditions affect pregnancies.

Scientists aren’t sure exactly why, but there are correlations between certain seasons and certain behavior patterns. Basically, I don’t really know what they’re talking about, because I’m not a scientist and don’t understand science.

From what I can gather, and this is probably wrong, scientists are saying that astrology is completely true. Based on this, here’s how I assume each astrological symbol affects each person’s love and sex life:

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

The symbol for Aries is the ram. That pretty much says all it has to about your sex life. We’d tell you to calm it down, but that’s not what rams do. Not at all.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You’re a proud, majestic lover, unless somebody waves a red flag at you. Then you go crazy. You can’t explain it, there’s just something about that makes you lose control.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

If you’re a Gemini, otherwise known as the twins, then you’re super into three-ways. It’s a hard life to manage, but if you can pull it off then you’re doing great.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

When you say you’re into long walks on the beach, you really mean it. You love to do everything — and we mean everything — at the beach. You also like to do it under the covers because they feel like a nice protective shell.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

People have always called you the leader of the pack, and it’s definitely true in the bedroom. The only problem is, most states won’t legalize polygamy, so your options on where to live are extremely limited.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

The stars just want you to be lonely, apparently. Virgo’s symbol is the virgin. One way to look at is that you’re pure. Another way to look at it is everyone else lucked out but you.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Your love life’s all about balance. Just make sure you find a partner who’s also into balance, because falling during the act can cause some seriously embarrassing injuries.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Your look at sex like a hunt. Which is not a good way to look at sex. If you’re a Scorpio, you might want to call the police and just give them a heads up. Seriously, you’re freaking everyone out.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Taylor Swift is a Sagittarius, so you’ll apparently never find true love. The upside though is that each heartbreak will work out very well for you financially. So well, in fact, that people will become suspicious about how broken your heart actually is.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

You’re the goat, which unfortunately refers to the animal and not the “greatest of all time.” Garbage turns you on for some strange reason, but so does doing it on the side of a very steep mountain. You’re surprisingly skilled at balancing yourself in that situation.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

You’re the best ever and everyone wants to be with you. That’s totally what the stars say! I’m not just saying that because I’m writing this and I happen to be an Aquarius.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

You’re a fish. You just kind of lay there and let stuff happen to you. It’s not bad, but it’s not great; it just is.

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Right here’s The Most Engaging Factor About You Based mostly On Your Myers-Briggs Character Kind

ESFP – Your confidence.

You’re sexy and you know it. It’s not just that you have rock-hard abs (though you usually do), the ease with which you attract your gender of choice is apparent in everything you do. You are effortlessly personable and the confidence you have in your own people skills is irresistible.

INTJ – Your intelligence.

It’s no secret that you usually have the highest IQ in the room. Everything that comes out of your mouth is an educated, thoroughly analyzed opinion and it’s difficult to champion your knowledge on almost any topic. You know your stuff inside out and backwards – and it’s hot.

INFJ – Your intensity.

There is nothing meek or helpless about you. You are a highly intelligent, highly perceptive individual who understands others on a deep level. This gives you the unique ability to connect quickly with new people. It’s an intense experience for those on the receiving end of it and it makes everything about you seem hella sexy.

ENFP – Your enthusiasm.

You care more about your latest idea than most people care about everything else in their lives combined. And the energy’s contagious. People admire the positive vibes you bring to the table and they want to share in whatever it is that you’re so pumped on – hell, they want to be the next thing you’re excited about.

INFP – Your depth.

There is infinitely more to you than meets the eye and your slightly mysterious vibe is compelling. People who meet you for the first time want to know more about what’s going on inside your mind – and it keeps them coming back for more.

ENFJ – Your attentiveness.

You have this very specific ability to look someone in the eye and make them feel as though you’re staring straight into their soul. The presence and introspection that you bring to the table is a rare gem and it’s unnervingly attractive.

ENTP – Your wit.

It’s not just the quick, clever jokes (though it’s also those) – everything about the way your mind works is both refreshing and compelling. You establish dominance almost accidentally through your intellectually rebellious nature and it’s insanely attractive.

INTP – Your indifference.

I hate to admit it but one of the most attractive qualities someone can exhibit in the 21st century is simply not giving a shit about the dating game. You’d genuinely rather be left alone to your thoughts and to the many emotional masochists out there, you’re the very definition of a challenge.

ISTJ – Your reliability.

You are the definition of the strong, silent type. People are attracted to your no-fuss-no-muss attitude – they want someone they can rely on and you’re the definition of dependable. Plus your dry humor doesn’t hurt.

ESTP – Your nonchalance.

You are personable, capable and confident – all seemingly without trying. We don’t know how you pull it off, ESTP, but your cool as a cucumber attitude is alluring and absorbing. Something about you just dares us to put ourselves on your radar.

ISTP – Your aloofness.

Your offbeat, somewhat distant attitude is endearing at worst and insanely attractive at best. Despite the fact that you’re somewhat reserved in conversation, it’s obvious that you’re a Jack-of-most trades who can take care of yourself with ease. Your aloof independence is hot.

ESTJ – Your decisiveness.

It’s difficult not to respect your frank, assertive nature. You go for your goals with no holds barred and you don’t care who or what tries to stand in your way. Your confidence in what you want makes others want to be the thing that you want.

ESFJ – Your togetherness.

You somehow manage to always be miles ahead of the rest of us when it comes to general adulting. You’ve got your ducks in a row and you’re looking for a partner who can measure up. People are attracted to you when they’re looking for a partner who’s got their shit together and pulls it off with style.

ISFP – Your sensuality.

We’re not sure if it’s your impeccable style, your quiet creativity or your unexpectedly rebellious side but something about you just oozes sexuality. You are mysterious in all the right ways and it makes people want to know you intimately.

ISFJ – Your composure.

You are polished, composed and incredibly humble to boot. You don’t demand attention but you attract it through your put-together attitude. People are attracted to your stability and grace – whether you realize that you possess it or not.

ENTJ – Your aggression.

You don’t mess around when you see something you want. You are assertive, direct and smart about getting what you want and it’s a purely irresistible quality. Your dominant nature is hot. And you make sure that whomever you’re going for knows it.

By Heidi Priebe

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The Myers-Briggs Persona Varieties When One thing Goes Flawed

ENFP: *Sweats nervously* NOTHING IS WRONG. NO IT’S NOT. I WILL JUST CHUG 45 COFFEES AND STAY AWAKE UNTIL I CAN FIGURE OUT HOW TO REFRAME THIS AS A GOOD THING.

INFP: *Retreats to meditate for five straight days until their energy is re-aligned with their new set of circumstances*

ENFJ: HOW IS EVERYONE ELSE DOING REGARDING THE THING THAT IS GOING WRONG? Have no fear. I’ll formulate a plan to get you all back on track within two years. Don’t worry about me, I don’t need to sleep for the next two years!!

INFJ: Ah yes, I figured this would go wrong. Everyone can stay at my place while they figure out what to do next! Just figure out what to do next quickly, maybe?

ESTP: Something’s gone wrong? You don’t say. Alright give me ten minutes and some duct tape, I’ll fix it.

ISTP: Yeah, things go wrong all the time. Just leave me alone to tinker with it, I’ll find a shortcut to get us back on track.

ESTJ: THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I REST FOR A HOT SECOND. Alright everyone assemble, here’s exactly what we’re going to do to fix this.

ISTJ: I’ve been working for ages to ensure this wouldn’t go wrong. But since no one else thought it was a problem, here we are.

ESFP: Something went wrong?! Oh thank God, I was getting so bored!!

ISFP: Maybe if I wrap myself up in a huge cocoon of blankets the wrong thing will just resolve itself?

ESFJ: *Blood pressure spikes* OKAY IT’S OKAY WE CAN FIX THIS but we all need to get on the SAME PAGE.

ISFJ: *Breaks out in cold sweat* You guys, the ESTJ has a plan, maybe let’s just listen to them?

ENTP: *Starts inventing a solution to the problem, then gets distracted by a more interesting problem and solves that instead* *Several months later remembers the original problem and hires someone else to solve it*

INTP: *Reads everything that’s ever been written about how to solve the problem.* *Forgets to actually solve it.*

ENTJ: *Establishes what will eventually be the official procedure for solving the problem in the future.*

INTJ: Ah, I see the most likely disruption has occurred. *Pulls one of 800000 contingency plans out of back pocket*

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This Is Why Folks Are Intimidated By You, Primarily based On Your Persona Sort

Hi friends, to play this game we all need to take the Myers Briggs personality test I promise it will be worth it, or at least entertaining.

There are 4 types of personality groups : Diplomats, Analysts, Sentinels, finally but definitely not least the Explorers. The Diplomats are the dreamers, the Analysts are the thinkers, the Sentinels please everyone, and the Explorers live to “seize the day”. We are also divided by the personality code. The personality code reads like so, I for introversion or E for extroversion, N for intuition or S for sensing, T for thinking or F for feeling, J for judging or P for perceiving.

ENFP -CAMPAIGNER- Diplomat

You Make Your Dreams A Reality

People are intimidated by your undying hope. You take creativity seriously and it scares people. When you believe in something, you make it happen. Despite what the naysayers may say, you never let them destroy your spirit. In weak moments you may doubt yourself or overthink, yet you push through this. Some people may say you “have your head in the clouds,” but this is more than a dream to you, it is your future. Most people do not have the courage to step outside of the cookie-cutter box. You create your own box. Not many people can colour outside the lines, as beautifully as you can.

You are the type of person who believes in magic. You are the child that survived “adulting”. In kindergarten we all had this idea of who we wanted to be, when we “grow up”. You are the few people that actually lived up to that childhood expectation. This undying hope you have, gives you a tremendous sense of empathy. You connect with basically everyone. You are fun, but can be serious at the same time. One moment you can be out on a crazy adventure, the next you can be having a deep intimate talk about your feelings. Most people are shocked of how effortlessly you can transcend from fun to deep. You can easily become anyone’s best friend.

ESFP -ENTERTAINER- Explorer

You Encourage Others To Get Caught Up In The Moment

You have a spark in your eyes, that hypnotizes the rest of us. You basically can convince anyone to do anything you want. Thankfully you use these persuading powers for good and not evil. In true Explorer nature, you live in the moment. You have an irresistible way to encourage others to seize the day with you. Your life is an adventure and you make us all jump on board with you.

“You jump, I jump, Jack”. As an entertainer you do like to take “centre stage” and have “all eyes on you”. Some people can confuse this need for “attention” as self-centred, but that could not be further from the truth. You are highly observant and deeply care for your friend’s needs. You are the first to know just what to do, to cheer us up. Being around you, can already give us a natural buzz. You genuinely enjoy being happy and making the most out of life. Thus you try to push the people around you to do the same. You are the first to suggest a last minute trip. You push us out of our comfort zones, and we thank you for it. Our lives would be much more boring without you.

INTP -LOGICIAN- Analyst

Your Reflection On Knowledge

Knowledge is not just a source of power for you, it is your way of life. You believe there is no limit to learning.”The limit does not exist!” Every day you could discover a new fact, that could change your life. You thrive on theories and self-improvement. You like to research until you can’t feel your fingertips anymore. You are openminded and will listen to anyone’s opinion. Right or wrong you like to hear all the facts. Knowledge is more than just a tool to you, it is your identity. Sometimes you can get lost in your theories and ignore the rest of the world.

The late night researching can take a heavy toll, but you could never be happy with partial facts. You need to know the whole story to feel complete. People can easily get intimidated by how deeply you connect with knowledge. Most people need a lot more motivation, to stay on task. You make learning look effortless. Learning is who you are, but sometimes you tend to forget about the others around you. Your nose can be stuck in a book for so long, you forget to enjoy life. You can read facts better than anyone, but you need work on reading feelings. Life is about learning, but is also about living!

ESFJ -CONSUL- Sentinel

You are SO Normal

Everyone wants to fit in, and you always do. 12{da98e796ff253ab21784d6d15b52f5f89ad4dda093e04c545ca8dbabfb7a221f} of the world fit this type, making you one of the more popular personality types. You are who everyone wanted to be friends with. You had a seat at the “cool kids lunch table”. You are the cheerleader/quarterback type. People love you, you love your friends, you make life look that simple. You live to be supportive. You strive in social familiar settings. You enjoy being a role model and helping others. Consul’s are true altruists and care about the common good.

You are the first to raise your hand to help out for charity, and we want you on our team. Consul’s are practical, and enjoy routine. You grew up to be, who your parents wanted you to be. You are secure, stable, and reliable. You are the glue holding your social circle together. You are constantly organizing get togethers, so everyone stays in touch. You are the reason everyone is still friends with each other. Your friends mean the world to you, and you would defend them to the death. You care about social status, a lot (sometimes too much). Remember your friends don’t define you, you define you.

INFP -MEDIATOR- Diplomat

Your Morals

You can be the epitome of positivity looking for the good in anything. You are guided by your moral compass. You simply can’t feel” good” about doing anything that feels “wrong”. You are honourable and stay true to your beliefs. You are artistic and communicate deeply. You are known to be gifted with learning a second language easily! Your principles mean everything to you. Unfortunately not everyone agrees with your “principles” and this doesn’t make you the most popular. You are very selective in everything in your life. Everything must be worth it to you. Your idealistic nature can sometimes hold you back, because not everyone can live up to your perfect “morally righteous” expectation. You listen to all, but talk to few. You are our conscience, the angel on our side telling us the “right” thing to do.

ESTP -ENTREPRENEUR- Explorer

You Are A Mind Reader

ESTP’S are the most perceptive personality type. You come off as mysterious, but you know more than you lead on. Your knack for reading people, makes you great at networking. ESTP’s can be a silent killer, no one saw coming. You are blunt and direct, but also charming. You are not one to play mind games, because you aren’t “playing”, you know what you are doing. You tend to ask questions, that you already know the answers to. Sometimes you like to test our reactions for fun. You are known to improvise. You strive on action. You are not the type of person to “talk” about doing something, you actually go out there and “do it”. Like true Explorer nature, you live for the present.

ENTP DEBATER -Analyst

You Fight The Good Fight

We do not want to get into an argument with you, we will lose, case settled, checkmate. Unlike Judgemental types you aren’t always fighting to accomplish something. Most of the time you are simply fighting, because you enjoy it. The adrenaline rush, the intellect stimulation, your blood rushes for this. Arguing is simply fun for you. You fight out of passion, not anger. You are fearless with speaking your mind, you do not hold back. You are very reasonable and open minded. ENTP’s can see all sides of the story, as long as it can be backed up with evidence. Like true analyst form you can believe something if you can analyze it. You enjoy face to face conversation.

You are very direct and excellent communicators, whether it be on paper or in person. When you care for someone, you want to push them to their full potential. You thrive on self-improvement. Anything you can do to better yourself, or your case, consider it done. As exhilarating as a heated debate may be for you, it isn’t for everyone. At times it feels like you will do anything to win at all costs. You need to learn how to lose an argument to save a relationship. You may have the voice of “reason,” but you need to learn how to emotionally listen. Sometimes you have to take a step back and ask yourself, do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? No, don’t try to argue that you can be both.

ISFJ -DEFENDER- Consul

You Kill Em With Kindness

You are so kind, where people actually stop and think “can someone actually be that nice?” You are selfless to your core. You can’t stand a mess, you need to create order in chaos. If that means cleaning up after someone else’s mess, so be it. You need order to stay sane. ISFJ are known for their excellent memories! They are reliable and tolerant, they make great team players. They must be careful though, because their kindness can easily be taken for granted. Although they are genuinely trying to help people, sometimes it can backfire on them. People can get used to ISFJ picking up all their work slack, and thus become lazy. Letting someone copy your homework, does not make them learn. Just ask DJ and Kimmy!

ENFJ -PROTAGONIST- Diplomat

Your Authenticity

Being genuine is one of the most important aspects to you. If it isn’t “real” it doesn’t matter. You are a natural born leader, but you can’t lead what you don’t “believe” in. You are intuitive and live to inspire. ENFJ’s are known to be tolerant and reliable. You are loyal and stand up for your friends. You care genuinely so much for other people, sometimes you put their needs first. You are altruistic to a fault. On occasion, you can be a little “too involved” with your friends.

I know you want the best for them, I get it. Yet, you need to realize you can’t push someone to greatness. They need to want it too or it doesn’t work. I know you will beat yourself up, thinking you could have “changed” them, but you can’t. Only they can make that change, and only if they want to.

ISFP -ADVENTURER- Explorer

You Embrace Change

You embrace change, when most of us fear it. ISFP you always keep us guessing! You are constantly reinventing yourself and experimenting. You are the definition of spontaneous, we would assume you are an extrovert! However you need your alone time, like a true introvert. You need time to digest all these brilliant ideas and recharge your batteries! While most of us are guilty of dwelling on the past, you focus on the future. You are constantly transforming. Your sense of identity is based on your experiences, not your resume. You aren’t much of a planner, that would be against your spontaneous nature. Life is to live, not to plan as an Explorer would proclaim.

ENTJ -COMMANDER- Analyst

How Effectively You Use Your Time

Have you heard of the term “Multitasker”? ENTJ, that is you! You take “seizing the day” seriously. Although you are an Analyst, you can seriously show up the “Explorers” in the “seizing the day” department. You are very charismatic and confident which makes you a natural born leader. You have great focus and will not be pleased until your goal is met. If you set a goal it is happening, no further discussion needed.

You genuinely enjoy a challenge. If it is easy, it isn’t worth it to you. Your determination and drive is so serious, some would even describe it is as “ruthless”. In group settings you push others around you, to meet a common goal. Your intense determination usually produces a positive self-fulling prophecy. As Descartes said “I think, therefore I am”.

ISTJ -LOGISTICIAN- Sentinel

Your Integrity

“With great power, comes great responsibility” Spider Man. ISTJ’s can’t live with themselves if their work is inadequate. Their integrity is everything to them. They believe heavily in the truth. Honesty is more important than emotional consideration. The truth can set you free. They let the facts do the talking. It seems like ISTJ belong in the Analyst group, with their fact over feeling logic.

However, they still greatly enjoy pleasing others. Their work is their duty and they take that seriously. More so than not, they tend to blame themselves if their work falls short. They feel disappointed if they have let others down. In true Sentinel nature they define themselves, by what they can do for others. If they are useless at a task, they might as well be considered “worthless”.

INFJ -ADVOCATE- Diplomat

Saving The World

With less than 1{da98e796ff253ab21784d6d15b52f5f89ad4dda093e04c545ca8dbabfb7a221f} possessing this personality type, you are truly unique. You have very strong opinions, yet you are soft spoken and gentle. INFJ’s are the underdog hero, trying to save our world 1 good deed at a time. You are a private and mysterious, nobody saw you coming. You are a “Mother Teresa ” type you like to save others, but you don’t need to be worshipped. Unlike most Diplomats you are very quick and decisive.You are a great believer in karma. You thrive on human connections. You read emotions not facts. Your deep connections with people drives your passion. You save us, to free yourself.

ISTP -VIRTUOSO- Explorer

Go To In An Emergency

911? Seriously, how do you stay so cool about everything? You are versatile and known for your incredible improvising skills. Which is precisely why we want you by our side in our next crisis! You believe in fairness. A prompt promoter of the golden rule, “treat others they way, you want to be treated”. Like true explorer nature, you have the tendency to leap before you look. Your bravery can make you act too soon. Remember to take a second to breathe. Not all of us are as fearless as you are, we need a few seconds to catch up to you. You always dare to be different. You learn from “doing” not “overthinking”. Again explorer nature of “experience” overrides all.

INTJ -ARCHITECT- Analyst

You Are A Game Changer

You have a contradicting personality type. You are imaginative, yet decisive. Most people with your creativity, get lost in the process. You stay focused. You are curious, but you don’t waste time overthinking. You are very perceptive, therefore you can read facts and feelings! You are truly a jack of all trades. Most people don’t “get” how you can have it “all”… but you do! Unfortunately since most people “don’t get you,” it can make you feel rather lonely. You have no problem following out on an action plan for success! Yet, when it comes to relationships you might need a crash course. A relationship doesn’t run as smoothly on a pro/con list, as you think it can. Sometimes your efficiency, can be mistaken for arrogance.

ESTJ -EXECUTIVE- Sentinel

You Play By The Rules

Actually, you probably created the rules. You are the definition of “by the book”. ESTJ’s strongly believe in tradition. They are excellent organizers, who demand respect. You enjoy routine and stability. You live for honest and the hierarchy. The truth is everything to you, therefore you will always be the first to admit your mistakes. You are a perfectionist, but you know there is always room for improvement. You think by “micromanaging” you’re helping others, but sometimes it is just annoying. You cannot relax, unless everything is done properly. Therefore you tend to take on other people’s responsibilities. In true Sentinel form you are here to help others, but you must remember they need to learn how to help themselves. Their problem is not your problem.

By Jennifer Meade

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